This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on January 6, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): That’s it for us, “GUTFELD!” Next.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Feel wonderful. I feel so much better than I did.
Yes, clap, you two or three people who work for me. Keep clapping, I fire all of you. Happy Thursday, spit on myself.
Wow, today is a big day for CNN. No, no, no, the age of consent didn’t just get lowered. Yes.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Oh.
GUTFELD: Oh, just let that soothe into your brain. It’s the one-year anniversary of January 6th. Or as they see it, Pearl Harbor meets 9/11 with a Watergate shooter.
Yes, it’s worse than the worst thing ever. And, of course, you know, they’re the heroes. So, why commemorate it if it’s so bad?
Well, first, it’s easy. It’s just one day, right? I mean, try commemorating the riots after George Floyd or Jacob Blake or the burning down of various cities, and don’t forget the violent melees after Trump won in 2016.
You’d have to hold a commemoration every single day. It be like combining Groundhog Day with Rodney King. But don’t hold your breath. Well, unless you’re in an elevator with Eric Swalwell.
KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (on camera): Yes.
GUTFELD: We’ll get to him later.
So, instead of acknowledging the many of the dead caused by those relentless media-approved riots of 2019 and onward, the press chooses to amp up one day of rioting. When they falsely call an insurrection since no one’s been charged with insurrecting anything.
Hell more people died at that Travis Scott show. And worse, they salute online narcs who helped get people arrested for wandering around that day, even after some Capitol Police held the doors open for them.
Yes, our government deputize a nation of Staci Karens (PH), under the line guys of sedition to ruin people’s lives. And if you don’t play the media’s game, they will say you’re playing the event down. Screw them. They’re lying. It’s the only thing they’re good at.
As we’ve said before, about January 6th, it’s a riot, and riots are bad. That’s what makes us good people here at Fox. We view all violence as unseemly. Well, unless it involves a safe word.
That reminds me, Bill Hemmer, I need my leather mask back. But the legacy media is just faking outrage to hide their own pro-violence stance, which is like Stelter trying to hide behind a flagpole.
See to them, crime and death are just political weapons, the kind that can be hidden when necessary to win an election, and then one to play up in order to not lose an election.
Let’s not forget how the media manipulated the riots and the crime wave for political favor.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: This is a Muslim protest, it is not — it is not, generally speaking, unruly, but fires have been started.
DON LEMON, HOST, CNN: They’re going to take your country away, and they’re taking down the statues and —
CHRIS CUOMO, ANCHOR, CNN: Crime is rising as they defund police.
LEMON: As crime is rising. Oh, my gosh, it’s so bad.
You listen to conservative media, you would think that you know, entire cities are just, you know, in brawled, and fights, and fires, and whatever. We went out had a great dinner in New York City tonight.
And people actually walked up to us and said thank you for — I watch you every night.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: That is so not true. No one watches you every night. Still, like a Twinkie, that clip never gets old. But here is the media now.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: January 6th represents an ongoing threat to our democracy.
JIM SCIUTTO, CHIEF NATIONAL SECURITY CORRESPONDENT, CNN: What we saw a year ago today is something they see as a continuing clear and present danger to this country.
LAURA COATES, SENIOR LEGAL ANALYST, CNN: Vice President Harris invoking the phrasing of the date that will live in infamy, Pearl Harbor, 9/11, and now, January 6th.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Kamala’s stupidity. We’ll live in infamy. And of course, there’s Joe Biden, who as left-wing run cities burned and people died, chained himself to a basement radiator-like he was a Lincoln project, intern. Wasn’t until consultants told him that all this left is violence could help Trump win that he spoke up barely.
And yet here he is, again, faking concern because it takes the heat off his disastrous presidency and puts it on, Trump.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: We must decide what kind of nation are we going to be. Are we going to be a nation that accepts political violence as a norm? Are we going to be a nation or we’re allowed partisan election officials to overturn the legally expressed will of the people?
Or are going to be a nation that lives not by the light of the truth, under the shadow of lies?
For the first time in our history, a president had not just lost an election, he tried to prevent the peaceful transfer of power as a violent mob breach the Capitol.
Former president who lies about this election, and the mob that attacked this capitol could not be further away from the core American values.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Sound like he wants to move on. The problem is the American people see through this like people in a CNN bathroom stall. We aren’t fooled by the media’s orgy of sanctimony. They only cared about January 6th to falsely smear millions of people who didn’t vote for Joe while helping their own dying networks.
That is they need Trump-like our president needs Metamucil. And more Trump content helps boost ratings that are limper than Kevin Spacey thumbing through a Victoria’s Secret catalogue.
CNN is going all in, and you can’t blame them. Consider the mess they’re in. A network that spent more time last year covering their ass than the news, and zero time covering up Jeffrey Toobin’s Weiner.
You got multiple anchors accused of sexual harassment. Their only star anchor fired in disgrace. Producers either arrested or implicated in deviant sex crimes that would make Jeffrey Epstein want to fly commercial.
Yes, no wonder they couldn’t cover that story either. It hit too close to home I guess. So, gasbags like Stelter gorge on January 6th, like it was an eclair founded a trashcan rather than the perversion exploding around him, anything to distract.
And they’ve been wrong so many times on so many things that they need January 6th, more than Alec Baldwin needs an NRA instructor. It’s really about shelf space. The libs got nothing to sell. Biden’s horrendous performance is creating a kink in the supply chain for other news stories.
All they have left is doom and gloom, inflation, crime, COVID, the border. That’s all they have to filled their shelves. Is it any wonder that all of this is every bit as coordinated as their efforts to beat Trump which Time Magazine boasted about or openly punishing anyone who dare bring up Hunter Biden’s laptop?
And what coordination it is? You got the New Republic, USA Today, the A.P., The Daily Beast, The L.A. Times, a Hollywood reporter. And what do they have in common? Other than being covered in (INAUDIBLE) by the end of the day.
Their media interviewing other media, forming a media human centipede. Feeding on its own waist, high on its own fumes. What’s that tell you? That nothing ever happens in life until it happens to the media. Crime didn’t exist, you see?
Until one day in January put the media and their idols on center stage. What’s next is the cast of Hamilton going to pop by to commemorate the day?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. NANCY PELOSI (D-CA): We’re privileged to have a contribution from one of the great creative talents of our time. Lin-Manuel Miranda.
LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA, AMERICAN ACTOR: A New Year brings hope for the future, new energy to face the tasks ahead of us, and a renewed promise to strengthen the foundations of our democracy.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Someday, someday, yes, you blew us all the way. Someday, someday.
GUTFELD: I was just joking. But yes, turns out they did get the Casbah- Hamilton, this is so — Wow. So, suddenly, according to the media, the world’s in danger because they were in danger, when in fact, the only person who was murdered was an unarmed woman who are brave media dare not mention ever.
Yet, they finally found a dead, unarmed female protester, they didn’t give (INAUDIBLE) about.
Meanwhile, their lives weren’t as bad as much danger as the day when Brian Williams who was in his third tour on Vietnam. But before that, when neighborhoods were destroyed, businesses plundered, innocent people terrorized.
To the media, that was as alien as an episode of Star Trek, because they, the media wasn’t the center of that universe. January 6th, though, was their story, as opposed to the riots, crime waves, you’re suffering.
So, for nearly two years, they pretended everything was great. But then January 6th happens, and suddenly, there’s a threat to our fragile democracy. Yes, suddenly, they’re pro-cop after a decade of painting targets on their backs.
So, they use this day now to deflect from the devastation they wrought upon this country. It’s the one product they can fill their shelves with, and they hope you care, but you see through it like a $3 shower curtain.
You know, your pain was never the media’s concern. Your pain didn’t validate their core beliefs. In fact, your pain exposed how their own leftism led to our civil decline.
To them, authentic violence had to be buried, unless they could use it against you. You’d be a sucker to fall for this. And it’s on every Republican who does. You hear that, Liz?
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guest. She is more southern than a gun that shoots cornbread, Fox Business anchor Dagen McDowell.
When this lawyer approaches the bench, it’s the knockout a set of 15 presses. Act — former acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker.
He is done more headshots than a yearbook photographer, the most reliable SEAL since Tupperware. Former Navy SEAL Rob O’Neill.
She is like last week’s Christmas tree out in the street after covering your floor with needles. That might be the best one ever. That might be the best whatever. I don’t know it’s unfair and wrong, but it’s still the best one ever. Fox News contributor Kat Timpf.
I swear I wasn’t going to do any more drug references for you Kat, but —
TIMPF: But now, they’re just hiding them. Now I’m doing them intravenously.
GUTFELD: Now was just — to whoever wrote that, it made such a good intro, I had to use it.
Meanwhile, all of Rob’s are about killing people.
So, Rob, I haven’t seen you in a while. How do you — how do you take this idea that we have to accept that this is going to be like a year anniversary? Like every —
ROB O’NEILL, FORMER UNITED STATES NAVY SEAL: No, it’s ridiculous. I mean, they’re — the way they’re acting about it now that January 6th, in order to honor it, we should just plow down the Washington Monument and put up a statue of lawmakers hiding behind desks. That’s what happened.
O’NEILL: I mean, they’re so eager, including the Cheney family to send people like me, men and women to war, and it’s fine. It was 13 people die and when explosion didn’t need to happen, it’s — until it comes to your house.
O’NEILL: Now, It’s an insurrection when the only person that was killed was murdered by one of your cops. If — as a — as a range safety officer, Range Officer in Charge, there was a Navy SEAL for 16 years, watching that clown carry that gun.
Instagram warriors will yell at me for that crap.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes, yes.
O’NEILL: And he blasts, it was — it was a negligent — just negligent, discharge. You shot it into a crowd, hit a woman in the neck. A 14-year Air Force combat veteran Ashli Babbitt not a peep.
O’NEILL: The only two — the only two words that President Biden say that it only two names he didn’t say today were Donald Trump or Ashli Babbitt. The former president didn’t mention a woman who got murdered by a cop that shouldn’t have been there for 28 years.
GUTFELD: Yes. Rob, I’m so — you just get me so pissed. Just what you — just gets into my — gut when I think about how that woman and how her family — it just — it just rips me up.
O’NEILL: Yes, and then you hear the story the nonsense about — yes, where they were climb on the wall. We had nowhere to go. Your arm — that — look, I wasn’t there. Then, you don’t storm the Capitol. That mob mentality hits everyone. Believe me I’ve been there.
O’NEILL: And the only time I’ve ever been arrested, I deserved it. And what I’m saying is that I think — I love cops, isn’t — it wasn’t my fault.
O’NEILL: I’m the will. That was my fault.
TIMPF: I will —
O’NEILL: I mean, you can tell by the way this dude’s bouncing. Not only should he be fired, his instructor should be fired. First guy that taught them should be fired.
O’NEILL: It’s just — it’s a shame and they’re politicizing this because this is all they got.
GUTFELD: Exactly. Dagen, is theirs — I mean, it is — It’s kind of a naked desperate ploy because they see how bad they’re — this is going politically. American public does not care about an anniversary commemoration. There are going to be — they’re not going to be buying any of the coins.
DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR (on camera): No, I talked to a lot of folks, and January 6th, not coming up in conversation.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
MCDOWELL: The media love a riot a little too much. Because see, last year, they were — it was a lot of work and energy to contain their glee.
MCDOWELL: Because, in one moment, it seemed to justify all of the lies, all the orange man bad that they had peddle for more than four years. And now, they just want to relive that brief moment of glory — that moment in the sun, where their ratings were not —
MCDOWELL: That it so — it’s like they finally got off the bench once in high school and like, ran a few yards, and got to second base with a woman that you didn’t have to put a bag over her head. That is — that is the media.
GUTFELD: That is a hell of a metaphor.
GUTFELD: You’re — yes, you’re right. I think you’re right. I’m going to fall it, but I believe you hit on an essential truth.
You know, Matt, let’s talk about this — like, another network we won’t mention because I already made fun of them.
MATTHEW WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING UNITED STATES ATTORNEY GENERAL: Yes.
GUTFELD: They’ve been counting how many times we say insurrection? Do we have to say insurrection if no one’s being charged?
WHITAKER: Well, it’s not legally an insurrection. If nobody’s been charged in be — if there was no means or manner to ever overturn the government.
WHITAKER: I mean, we’ve had 700 people charged.
WHITAKER: All of them broke the law and should be prosecuted. Political violence, never appropriate.
WHITAKER: However, this riot or whatever you want to call it, mob, was never going to take control of the federal government and all the apparatus they’re in.
You know, the one thing about January 6th, we also need to remember as we’re doing this on a yearly basis, is this is when President Trump was kicked off of the major social media platforms.
WHITAKER: And that was really as anti-American move as any mob at the Capitol. Because what it did is it demonstrated that social media companies now control speech.
And while their — yes, free speech does not apply to private companies, we need to relook at sort of the power they have.
Did that social media companies now control speech? And while there are — yes, free speech does not apply to private companies, we need to relook at sort of the power they have to regulate speech, because it’s, it’s extraordinary.
GUTFELD: And also, whenever you — whenever you silence somebody, it’s not like you actually silence them, you just push them underground. And then they find other ways. And you don’t know exactly what they’re saying.
Kat, you understand that, don’t you?
TIMPF: Yes, you are an insurrectionist.
TIMPF: The thing — that’s nice. You accuse me of doing intravenous drugs. Now, you accuse me of being an insurrectionist. I’ve even got a chance to talk.
GUTFELD: I know. I know, last word to you, because you’re the most important.
TIMPF: Oh, wow. OK. Wow, that was weird. So, I think that when Biden says, you know, do we really want to live in a country where this is normal?
TIMPF: Like, I don’t think we need all this. And you know, the weird zoom Hamilton thing, which didn’t really fit in with the rest of the event.
To not think it’s normal, because even on that day, I don’t think anybody, anybody at all thought it was normal.
GUTFELD: Right. Exactly.
TIMPF: Like, nobody turned on the T.V. and saw that was like —
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
TIMPF: Change the channel.
TIMPF: Just another day. So, I think that, yes, when you make pronouncements like that, obviously, January 6th was bad, it was crazy. But nobody thinks this was normal.
TIMPF: Like, we don’t — nobody, nobody thinks that was normal. Even the people that were there. That wasn’t a normal day for them.
GUTFELD: But — this is — but this is what — OK, so, this is going back to what Rob was talking about, about the Cheneys and the Kinzingers, they are pretending that we thought it was normal.
GUTFELD: And so that — and that elevates them to act like they’re — the – – they’re the — they’re the — they’re the heroic people pointing this out. We’re going to be on the committee. You know, everybody thought it sucks, but we don’t need you guys to be the — pawns for the Democrats.
O’NEILL: And there’s so much going on inside too there’s so much behind the scenes of how this actually got going. If you see a grown man wearing those kinds of shorts and an 8-year-old boy’s haircut, he’s a Fed.
GUTFELD: Yes —
O’NEILL: He’s doing some. He’s not — he’s —
GUTFELD: No, there’s a lot of questions like the pipe bomb.
O’NEILL: Yes, we can talk about this for hours.
GUTFELD: You know, we still don’t even know with the pipe — what happened with the pipe bomb.
And also, remember the BLM activist that was there next to Ashli Babbitt. And he was on CNN, and they paid him. Do you remember that? At the — it was like — and anyway.
MCDOWELL: Oh, but the Democrats are going to get to the bottom of it on their committee.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes. All right, let’s have some fun. Up next, wokesters get a memorandum, keep Florida fun, like strip clubs in Tampam (PH). What?
GUTFELD: Is the Sunshine State throwing shade as woke New Yorkers try to invade? Yes, if you’re a lefty hipster searching for sun, don’t go to Florida and ruin their fun.
That’s the message of fired up Floridian left for New York residents on their cars last weekend. They have cars there.
Cops in Palm Beach say vehicles with New York license plates received letters on their windows with a short but scathing message, “If you are one of those woke people leave Florida, you will be happier elsewhere as will we,” end quotes — love saying end quote.
Which is still friendlier than the messages on cars in San Francisco, which is eat me written with a pile of human poop. Thanks for well to do that.
Several people reported the letters to Palm Beach Police. Did I say people? I’m sorry, I meant —
But after an investigation, it was determined a crime hadn’t been committed, said a spokesman “Residents were concerned about the lack of civility and respect for personal property. We understood that concern as uncivil as it may be and not characteristic of our community, It is not a crime.”
Now, of course, Florida has seen a population boom a lot coming from New York. One former New Yorker who now lives in Palm Beach said the letters were another sign that our democracy is in peril. There it is again. Well, that seems like an overreaction or exactly what you’d expect from a big crybaby was from the city.
If there was ever a sign our democracy is in peril, I put my money on the new pro-criminal directives coming from New York City’s woke D.A. And it’s like crap that’s causing New Yorkers to flee for Florida in the first place.
So, instead of calling the cops, maybe take the flyers with polite silence, it sure beats a brick to the head in Times Square, you’re jackasses.
GUTFELD: I’m in a bad mood. What happened, Whitaker? I was in a good — you know what? It’s because I’ve had — I’ve been sick for 12 days, a pissed off, I can’t control it. I need you to —
WHITAKER: There’s no crowd. Usually, the crowd is here to laugh at your jokes.
WHITAKER: And Rob sitting here stone faced with me, like, what do we get ourselves into?
TIMPF: Yes. I’m leaning pretty far this direction.
WHITAKER: But in all seriousness, I mean, these people are right, and these were not threatening. These were just don’t bring —
WHITAKER: The things that broke New York City.
WHITAKER: Down here and break it here, because things are really nice in Florida. I was just down there over New Years.
WHITAKER: Very nice. Disneyland was beautiful.
MCDOWELL: Disney World. Come on, Matt.
WHITAKER: Disney World, I’m sorry, you’re right. I’m from Iowa.
TIMPF: Yet so much funny forgot what it was called.
WHITAKER: I do.
GUTFELD: What’s your favorite ride?
WHITAKER: I like the — what is not the Yeti, but the adventure, avalanche —
GUTFELD: Yes, as long as you —
TIMPF: Were you hammered at this —
GUTFELD: You know, as long you didn’t say the Tower of Terror, which is the most the worst —
O’NEILL: No, take some mushrooms it’s a small world —
GUTFELD: Take the — just, you cannot stop to take the mushrooms.
O’NEILL: But yes, I took it right, anyway.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes.
WHITAKER: The frozen ride wasn’t too bad either.
GUTFELD: The frozen ride.
WHITAKER: That was more my speed.
GUTFELD: Yes, I loved the Simpsons ride. And then the SpongeBobs. Anyone where you’re just sitting in a chair, Kat, and everything else is moving around you, I like that.
I don’t like people put flyers on my car either, but who calls the cops?
TIMPF: Right. I — people who would call the cops losers, don’t want to hang out with them. But also, I agree with you.
The person who actually typed this up printed out that, you know, like if I went over to hang out with somebody, and they were like, well, what we’re going to do is print a bunch of stuff, and put on people’s cars, and save their woke the — I’ll be like, can we just drink?
TIMPF: Can we just drink.
TIMPF: I just — everyone in this. But yes, calling the cops over a piece of paper, unless it’s like detailed descriptions of how to kill me, I’m not going to do it.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, I apologized for that.
GUTFELD: And I didn’t put it on cars, they just put in everybody’s mail box downtown.
TIMPF: Oh, I don’t have a car, yes.
GUTFELD: You know, Dagen, you can contrast this with New York where I think you could probably carjack somebody with a gun and still get released as long as you don’t shoot somebody.
But the sheriff in Florida wanted to like charge somebody over a flyer.
MCDOWELL: Yes, that’s just to keep the women quiet. Well, you know, just nod your head and eventually she’ll go away.
MCDOWELL: Kat would Xerox her bear butt though.
TIMPF: Of course.
MCDOWELL: For the people’s windshields for sure.
TIMPF: Again? Yes.
MCDOWELL: With me holding up the top of the Xerox machine.
TIMPF: You always there for me.
MCDOWELL: I have a different —
GUTFELD: Does that mean I have to start disinfecting the copier?
MCDOWELL: Yes, you did.
TIMPF: It’s too late.
O’NEILL: That’s not (INAUDIBLE).
MCDOWELL: We’re — yes, we’re disease spreaders, by the way.
MCDOWELL: But I have a different take on this because the people — somebody printing out these flyers is the person who doesn’t know how to work the Twitters.
MCDOWELL: Because that’s where the lonely bitter people usually go to air their grievances.
MCDOWELL: And use this as a public service announcement. A lot of New Yorkers are moving to Florida. Don’t touch their — heart.
MCDOWELL: Because, you know what, if it’s me, and you put your mitts on my automobile, I’m showing up to your house and I will kill your car and I’ll take a knife to every single one of your tires, including the spare, and I’ll do it every day, seven days a week for at least a year.
GUTFELD: That’s a fun little prank, just knifing that spare.
TIMPF: Is it true that if you knife all but one of the tires, and the insurance can’t cover it?
O’NEILL: Let me find out after this.
O’NEILL: Let me Google that for you.
GUTFELD: That is so urban legend.
TIMPF: I know what a better time to bring it up than when I’m on T.V.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly, exactly. When somebody flashes their brights with you.
You’re going to be part of a gang land murderer, Rob.
O’NEILL: Yes. I think what they’re saying is, you know, they don’t want people bringing their votes down with them.
O’NEILL: I love New Yorkers and they’re great. And you know, because I’ve been to Florida this — last month, New York now, obviously.
O’NEILL: And with the new laws up here, they’re saying this isn’t illegal – – this isn’t illegal. I wear this watch. I’m walking through Manhattan. I’m like, if I have to kill someone, I get a free knife. What do they doing with this?
But one of my favorite things in New York those — there’s a flight out of — I want to say Westchester into West Palm, and we call it — here is a cool New Yorkers or they call it the miracle flight. Because when you get on, there is 15 wheelchairs. When you land to Florida, no one needs a chair, we’re out of here bitch. I’m serious.
GUTFELD: Up next. What the heck? How did the terrorist get a COVID check?
ANNOUNCER: Please God make this end!
GUTFELD: Why did COVID relief funds go to a terrorist on death row? I speak of the vile piece of garbage, the Boston Marathon bomber. Last summer, the government gave him $1,400 of your taxpayer money which would hope he would have spent on bedsheets from the Jeffrey Epstein collection.
O’NEILL: I get it.
GUTFELD: Thank you. At least somebody did. Meanwhile, he’s hardly paid a cent to the victim’s families. That’s colder than the seat on Brian Stelter’s exercise bike. He got some chuckle. It’s still unclear why he received the pandemic payment but literally what the F. He had our money burn a hole in his pocket when he should be roasting in the electric chair.
Meantime, here’s more coveted craziness. This time from our favorite Chinese spy banging, gas passing, mask mandating Democratic Congressman Eric Swalwell. He was in Miami to light up the town by bending over and flicking his beak. The dailymail.com obtained these photos showing the California Liberal maskless in the free state of Florida.
Yes, the same Florida Dems love to hate but still visit because they’re scuzzy hypocrites. But it’s not the first time Swalwell has done something that stinks.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. ERIC SWALWELL (D-CA): Use taxpayer dollars to ask the Ukrainians to help them cheat an election
(END VIDEO CLIP)
HAYES: You know, that’s the best thing that’s ever come out of him.
TIMPF: Best day of my life.
GUTFELD: Yes, it really is.
O’NEILL: I celebrate that anniversary.
GUTFELD: That’s our January 6th, the Swellwell farts. But you can’t say on TV. Dagen, of the two topics, which would you like to comment on?
MCDOWELL: I would like to call on the media slut pantman known as Eric Swalwell. You know that he intentionally flew to Florida because he knew he would get coverage. That is his oxygen.
MCDOWELL: With the baby. He’s anti — you know he’s pro-mask a pro-vax vilifying anybody who doesn’t believe in mandates. And so, you know, he was — I’m going to Florida with this infant and going to get some attention. But I can’t curse so I have to stifle.
GUTFELD: All right, stifle —
MCDOWELL: I have a lot of cursing I would like to do but I’m not going to do it.
GUTFELD: Well that’s good. I like that self-control. Rob, it is kind of ironic. Shouldn’t people be wearing masks around Swalwell given the flatus he produces?
O’NEILL: That was a funny scene when he did that when he blasted ass. And they were trying to say it’s someone — like it’s a — yes, it’s a cell phone or a tuba player. But what’s — I’ve never met Eric Swalwell. I guarantee he’s a smart guy. He just has no shame.
O’NEILL: Because if China had any more dirt on him, he would be in the earth’s mantle. They’ve got so many — they sent Fang Fang over there and he’s — rhymes with thing —
O’NEILL: Fang her and that’s how — that’s — China is really good at this game and they’re really good at catching our politicians, our D.C. people. And then you get them with one and all — we saw all of a sudden got one law you broke, we’re going to keep doing it.
And you know, Swalwell got busted — and he’ll say anything. He’s also a narcissist like most people in the beltway.
GUTFELD: Yes, I mean, you know, the guy believed he could run for president and not — people in California didn’t even know him. Kat, what would you like to discuss, the Boston Bomber or the Swalwell bomber.
TIMPF: I always want to talk about Eric Swallow. I’m dead serious, that fart was the best day of my life. It’s like the last time our country was together.
GUTFELD: Yes, we united behind his gas.
TIMPF: Everybody was like no, you farted.
GUTFELD: You know what, we won’t have a gas shortage if he were president.
TIMPF: Everybody — and I suppose — if he would have — honestly, he is a horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible, horrible.
TIMPF: But if he would have admitted that he farted, I would have defended him no matter what he did.
O’NEILL: Liberals hugging Republicans. Dogs and cats living together.
TIMPF: Yes, I would have defended him no matter what he did. But did you see — he loved it, Dagen. You’re right. Like, he tweeted — he’s like, of course, they didn’t use the picture — they didn’t use the picture I was drinking coffee because like, you know, because you can have your mask off if you’re eating a drinking.
It’s like no, no, no. We think you should not have to wear a mask even when you are not eating or drinking. It’s just that you think that everyone else should not have to.
GUTFELD: Exactly. That is exactly right.
TIMPF: But again, even though, no matter what, if he would have just said – – even now, you can still do it. You can — just come out now and say you farted, I’ll defend you forever.
GUTFELD: Oh, there you go.
O’NEILL: If he admitted he farted, everyone in the country would be like, you know what, my bad.
TIMPF: I would vote for him.
GUTFELD: You know, Matt, I want to ask you though, not about the farting.
GUTFELD: I want to —
GUTFELD: Let’s talk about —
WHITAKER: I’ll take death row inmate. (INAUDIBLE)
GUTFELD: How did he get money? This doesn’t say that — it’s not just him, there must be tons of other scumbags that got our money.
WHITAKER: Scumbags, college students, high school seniors, everybody. It was helicopter money everywhere —
WHITAKER: Unnecessarily distributed. There were people that needed it. Probably most of them didn’t get it, and then the people that didn’t need it, like this idiot.
WHITAKER: And the real question is why is s Tsarnaev still alive?
GUTFELD: Yes, it’s crazy.
WHITAKER: It is — it is — you know, we in the Trump administration started — restarted the death penalty protocol, put some people down that had earned it and were judged by their fellow citizens who deserve it. This guy has got to be number one on the list.
O’NEILL: I know a bunch of dudes in the Boston PD that would — it would cost a lot less than $1400 to kill this dude.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. That’s true. They’d probably pay us. That doesn’t make any sense. Sometimes that happens. I’ll say things that come out of my mouth and then I don’t even know what it means.
MCDOWELL: I’m thinking about Swalwell.
O’NEILL: I couldn’t get off the Swalwell thing myself.
MCDOWELL: As we — as we say down south, he has to drop his trousers to count to 21.
GUTFELD: There you go.
Coming up, does obsession with people who are famous mean you’re an ignoramus?
GUTFELD: Yes. Do you care about Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox? Then you’re as stupid as a bag of rocks. Because news about Pete and Kim keep you up late. You should try sniffing way less paint. It’s true if you’re obsessed with models, singers, and actors, your puny brain might be a factor.
A new Hungarian study, my favorite kind, Dagen —
GUTFELD: — suggests people who are obsessed with celebrities are dumber than those who aren’t. Participants were asked a series of questions to measure their level of interest in famous people including whether they’d be willing to break the law if asked by their favorite celebrity. Well, hitmen are cheaper than divorces.
According to the research, “There is a direct association between celebrity worship and poorer performance on the cognitive tests that cannot be accounted for by demographic and socio-economic factors. It makes sense. I once watched the Kardashian marathon, and by the end, I forgot how to tie my own shoes. That’s why I wear velcro
However, the question remains whether people become celeb obsessed because they’re stupid or being obsessed with celebrities makes them stupid. And what if you are a celebrity and you’re obsessed with yourself?
You’re the expert, Kat. Aren’t celebrities our therapy, right? If someone with a great life is suffering from something, then our lives seem —
TIMPF: Yes. I’m only interested in celebrities when things go bad for them.
TIMPF: But the Tristan Thompson thing, I was like, I’m going and reading all these Instagram comments, and I’m very smart.
GUTFELD: Yes, you are.
TIMPF: Like, I don’t really know anything else about them but I think it is interesting. Like, are people stupid because they waste all their energy on celebrities or do they waste all their energy because they’re stupid. What if it was the first one?
What if the reason we haven’t cured cancer is because that person is out there but they’re just reading all the Kardashian’s birth chart.
GUTFELD: Yes. See, I don’t think that’s the case.
TIMPF: I don’t either, but if?
GUTFELD: I think it’s — I don’t know. Matt, I think it’s good to keep people obsessed with celebrities, right, because it keeps them off the street.
WHITAKER: It does — yes, that’s — it keeps them off the street. All — I know it’s a Hungarian study and so this is probably the first Hungarian study I’ve ever read about.
WHITAKER: But I just pray that the American taxpayer didn’t somehow fund this study because our federal government spends a lot of money on stupid studies and I would put this at the top of the list. So, it does not surprise me. You know, they confirmed something we probably already knew which is if you spend a lot of time with the Kardashians, you’re — you know, you’re not trying to cure cancer.
GUTFELD: Yes, you know, sad — it said here that this Hungarian study made him stew. Somebody shoot me. Oh, Rob, this is the time when you show up and you go, Greg, I’m putting you out of your misery.
O’NEILL: No, you’d be a lot closer than this and you’d be asleep.
GUTFELD: Is this the problem that we’ve expanded the notion of what a celebrity is, therefore — like, a lot of these celebrities would not qualify as stars back in the 1980s, right? But now there’s so many of them that they — when something bad happens to them, we’re like —
O’NEILL: There’s so many more platforms too. And you’ve got to figure, there’s like paparazzi that takes — like, say, Kim Kardashian gets a picture taken of her. She tries to use it on Instagram, she can get sued because that’s their property.
WHITAKER: Or Eric Swalwell.
O’NEILL: Or Swalwell. He blasts — nothing, we said it before. But I mean, the thing is too — a lot of it is people are making a lot of money off these people that go on tick, that the kids buy the stuff and all these things. And the government is happy with it because it keeps their minds off of real stuff.
Like, there are people that can tell you the birthday of every Kardashian and they think the Middle East is Tennessee.
GUTFELD: Yes. And — well, it is, I think. What celebrity or celebrities are you obsessed with? Is there’s like somebody that you have to read no matter what?
MCDOWELL: I — no, it varies. I am obsessed with Machine Gun Kelly’s hair plugs.
GUTFELD: He has hair plugs?
MCDOWELL: Potentially but I’ve — you know, enlarge the —
TIMPF: She’s going to figure it out.
MCDOWELL: No, but you know —
WHITAKER: Don’t look at me. i don’t know.
MCDOWELL: You know, you go back in time. His hair was thinner.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.
MCDOWELL: Because all of this makes me feel better about myself. Like, I’ve been to the Victoria’s Secret fashion show and been backstage and seen these mules up close and in person. They have saline and zits and mouths as wide as a pickup truck. And so, they don’t look that good up close. Like, in print, they look OK, but I think it’s probably better, speaking from personal experience, to be obsessed with celebrities then serial killers.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true.
TIMPF: That’s my problem.
MCDOWELL: I know. Mine too. I’ve read like eight serial killer books in a row.
TIMPF: Yes. I looked at a lot of weird photos.
GUTFELD: Well, one day your princes will come and who knows, it could be me. This could all be an elaborate ruse. And then one day, both of you disappear. It’s funny because it’s true. Is that how the line goes?
Can I just confessed to a string of unsolved murders in the Middle East, Tennessee.
MCDOWELL: Well, you have that shed outside of your house.
O’NEILL: Middle East, I’m just saying.
GUTFELD: I know. I know. All right, up next, do you pity women who are pretty?
GUTFELD: Women have started an internet squabble. Is it better or worse to look like a model? TikTok content creators, which is as I understand awful people, have been sharing videos on the platform about their pretty privilege.
In the videos, the women claim that they get certain perks that others don’t get simply because they’re attractive. Tell me about it. The last time I went to Costco, they gave me free samples.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Now, let’s talk about what pretty privilege actually looks like. It could be — it’s little subtle things that you wouldn’t notice before. So, for example, I’m not being charged for that extra drink or dessert at a restaurant. I’m having someone offered to put the air in your tires rather than see you struggle doing it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And she’s not even cute. But other videos claim that attractiveness can be a curse like one woman who says that although she’s not saying you should feel bad for her, attractiveness can be tough sometimes.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Everybody on this app wants to talk about how people are consistently benefiting from pretty privileged, but nobody wants to talk about how pretty privilege can actually affect your life in a negative way.
Another thing is girls seeing you as competition. Sometimes a girl will front as your friend but literally she has the worst intentions for you and she secretly won’t see you fail. And I talked about this before but feeling lonely and just being excluded from things.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Maybe you should settle it with a pillow fight, a sexist might say. But yes, it has to be the reason women don’t want to be friends with you because you are hot. And definitely not because you sit around filming yourself talking about how you are so hot that it’s hard for you sometimes. Who do they think they are, AOC?
All right, Dagen, you’re a woman. I believe that women deserve this privilege because life is hard for women because they pay a heavy price on the commodity of youth. So, they got to use it while they got it. Is that a fair summation?
MCDOWELL: Yes — what are you saying, my shelf life is short?
GUTFELD: Well, than men.
MCDOWELL: Yes, it’s harder being a woman in so many ways.
HAYES: Rob, you’re a handsome guy.
O’NEILL: Thank you.
GUTFELD: You get — you have pretty privilege?
O’NEILL: You know what, I’ve heard that’s true about the pretty privilege seriously that some women are too pretty a lot of men are intimidated to ask them out. And I get asked this a lot when I give public speeches, if you could give the 16-year-old Rob some advice, what would it be. And I would say, ask her out.
GUTFELD: Yes, what do you make of this surprising —
WHITAKER: So, I’m from Iowa. I don’t have a ton of experience with pretty privilege. The things that were described in the — in the first video are kind of things that happen to normal people on an ordinary basis, you know. The guy at the station fills your tire with air or you get a free —
O’NEILL: That’s not — we’re seeing enough.
WHITAKER: And so, I just — I don’t — I don’t know. I think — I think everybody has their struggles, everybody has their challenges. I know that I front on this show whatever that means just so I can hang out with you, Greg. But otherwise, I don’t know a lot on this topic.
GUTFELD: You know what, this is what — to your point, you know, Kat, I do a lot of just charity work for ugly people because, you know, they don’t have the privilege. So, when I see an ugly person, I’ll put air in their tire even if — you know, even if their tires are filled with air. I’ll blow their (BLEEP) tire.
TIMPF: You would have not known how to do that, first of all. I think this is interesting because I’ve been both attractive and unattractive like in the same day. Like —
GUTFELD: That is true.
TIMPF: — every single day, the woman who walks into this building and the woman who walks out of this building are very different people, unrecognizable one to the other without the two hours in hair and makeup.
And honestly, I think it’s pretty much the same. I’m glad that like if — I think there’s nothing worse honestly than being like a super-hot 22-year- old because then you just are stressed out constantly about losing it. Like, what if I’m not going to be hot anymore? Like, I was an ugly 22-year- old, so it’s not so bad for me.
I just have to focus on, as you mentioned, dying younger before as a woman society casts me away due to my age.
GUTFELD: It is amazing, when you come into work, you get so many people who want your autograph because they think you’re a washed-up Macaulay Culkin.
GUTFELD: Yes. It’s amazing.
TIMPF: The only thing that offends me about that is it’s my joke that you now stole.
MCDOWELL: Yes, I’ve heard that joke before but that’s you.
TIMPF: From me. I know I look like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone.
O’NEILL: Just steal my joke. They don’t always work.
O’NEILL: I tried them all before, I’m telling you.
WHITAKER: Yes. We’ve chosen (INAUDIBLE)
TIMPF: When I walk — when I walk into this building, I look ill.
GUTFELD: No, you look like —
TIMPF: i look homeless.
MCDOWELL: No, you don’t.
TIMPF: Homeless and ill.
GUTFELD: No. I — my — I should have said what I originally said. You are — you look like one of the original Bad News Bears.
TIMPF: Yes, Tanner.
GUTFELD: Tanner. You look like Tanner.
MCDOWELL: You should have seen me this morning. I’ve got to stye on my eye the size of my ass.
GUTFELD: You know, some guys like a good stye.
O’NEILL: I swear I saw a Kat before the show. I said put — she’s putting things on a guy’s cars and said go to Florida. Go to Florida. Go to Florida. Beat it.
GUTFELD: Matt, should you try that too?
WHITAKER: I honestly got time now.
GUTFELD: You got to try that too. All right, we got to go. We are out of time. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back. Great show.
GUTFELD: Thanks to Matt Whittaker, Dagen McDowell, Rob O’Neill, Kat Timpf. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with Evil Shannon Bream is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.
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