It’s a conspiracy. It’s Chinese subterfuge to employ TikTok strategically and make its 150 million American users dumber by giving them stupid ideas they will think are cool. Just look at TikTok’s “challenges,” like the “Gorilla Glue Girl (Hair Styling)” challenge, the “Erection Cream Lip Plumper” challenge, the “Pee Your Pants” challenge and many others.
No, Wilson, we aren’t making this up. Pretty soon we will be a nation of “ignorant sloths,” lamented columnist Kathleen Parker.
Even Congress is freaking out. It’s a national threat, warned Congressman Mike Gallagher, R-Wisc. “It’s not just exfiltrating data from an American phone,” he said, “it’s what they’re able to push to Americans through the algorithm—control our sense of reality, control the news, meddle in future elections.”
Ee gads! Brave New World! TikTok’s data theft also poses peril to national security. For instance, through TikTok the Chinese knew long ago that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas was accepting million-dollar vacations from billionaire Harlan Crow. And they knew Ginni Thomas planned Jan. 6. They knew Ivanka dyed her hair red and moved to Buenos Aires under the name Marla Maples. They even knew Kim K and Kanye West weren’t really divorced. If that isn’t a threat to national security, what is?
It Can Always Get Worse
Call it reverse optimism. When things are going to hell in a fanny pack, some people have the audacity to say, “Well, it could be worse.” That might make you feel better, or you could want to smack them upside the head.
For example, some motorists have complained as of late about the auto-eating chuckholes that make driving in Salt Lake City something like Survivor, the popular TV program. But it could be worse. They could be in Kiev, Ukraine, where reality TV appears as a bunch of spoiled Americans fighting boredom instead of Russians. It can always get worse.
The Utah Legislature, in lock step with other Red States, likes to make life difficult for transgender folks by limiting sports, healthcare and restrooms. But in Uganda, trans people face the death penalty, which severely limits debate on transgender girls’ soccer. It can always get worse.
The denizens of St. George were buffeted by the gales of political correctness when the name of their beloved Dixie State College was deemed insensitive and racist. After headlines and turmoil, St. George’s righteous leaders renamed it Utah Tech. But that was before they were beset with drag shows and the perceived ruination of childhood by bearded men in bustiers and fishnet stockings—it can always get worse.
Does the 2nd Amendment Apply to the Unborn?
We could talk—or argue—about abortion and guns forever and get nowhere. But a new twist in the gun-rights/right-to-life debate could shed fresh light on the controversy that could yield some kind of resolution: The proposition that fetuses have the right to bear arms. Think of the NRA’s Wayne LaPierre—only a good fetus with a gun can stop a bad fetus with a gun.
Now, some would argue that if fetuses didn’t have guns at all, good fetuses wouldn’t have to stop bad fetuses. But that’s backward thinking, because how are you going to disarm all those fetuses with AR-15s?
This is, in the end, a mental health issue. All we have to do is determine which of those gun-toting gametes aren’t stable and should not be packing if, in fact, red-flag laws apply to the unborn. The argument being that if those cute little zygotes have all the rights of folks with fully-formed eyes and ears, then, by gosh, they should have to obey the laws, as well.
It should come as no surprise then that this has divided Republicans who, on one side, say red-flag laws do apply to fetuses, versus those who say they don’t. And that gets right back to the 2nd Amendment and the big question: Can first trimester zygotes belong to a well-regulated militia?
Postscript—You heard it, mayors Erin Mendenhall and Jenny Wilson not only uttered the “F” word, they sang it out like Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. The hills are alive with the sound of flooding. Yep, and good photo-ops they were of the City and County mayors filling sandbags for the impending cataclysm. You just can’t buy advertising like that in an election year.
But don’t say the word “cute” in association with Erin or Jenny. We can’t have “cute mayors filling sandbags.” That would be sexist and anti-woke. By contrast, Rocky Anderson—who is running against Mendenhall for Salt Lake City mayor—doesn’t mind being called “cute” at all.
You can imagine the press release his folks would put out: “The cute, youthful mayor looked even more youthful and cute filling sandbags.” That’s just the way things are these days, unlike in 1983 when some 700 inches of snow fell in the northern Wasatch, sending a springtime deluge down State Street. This season, a record 879 inches came down at Alta, guaranteeing flooding in creeks and rivers fed by runoff.
Some folks say that if spring temperatures warm gradually we won’t have much flooding. Right, and the Great Salt Lake will fill back up and Utah lawmakers can say, “God is on our side.”
Hey Wilson, did you know that Salt Lake County Mayor Jenny Wilson is the daughter of former Salt Lake City Mayor Ted Wilson, who was in office during the Great Flood of ’83? True story. Ted asked the Mormon Church to sandbag State Street, corral the flood and then build temporary bridges over it to keep the city moving. So let’s give some well-deserved props to Ted, the Mayor of the Flood.
When you’re weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes
I will dry them all
I’m on your side
Oh when times get rough
And friends just can’t be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
When you’re down and out
When you’re on the street
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you
I’ll take your part
Oh when darkness comes
And pain is all around
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Sail on, silver girl
Sail on by
Your time has come to shine
All your dreams are on their way
See how they shine
Oh if you need a friend
I’m sailing right behind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind
“Bridge Over Troubled Water”—Simon & Garfunkel