The Internet Is Horny For Beto … Again!

Beto O’Rourke, ex-congressman and former Senate and presidential hopeful, is like the internet’s hot middle school social studies teacher. He’s tall and handsome and has salt and pepper hair. He’s also a little bit lanky and nerdy, but, like, in a hot way. Then there’s the skateboard he always has nearby and ,oh my God, remember how he used to be in a rock band? If that’s not enough (but it is and you know it), he’s totally progressive and just wants to make the world a better place. He’s America’s most eligible bachelor! (He’s not. He’s married with three kids, but please don’t ruin this for us.)

On Tuesday, the National Rifle Association tweeted, “If Joe Biden wins — Mike Bloomberg wins — and Beto O’Rourke will be knocking on your door for your AR-15.” (After we emailed the NRA asking to explain what exactly this tweet means, a rep left us a voicemail that “it’s all over the internet” that presidential nominee Biden will appoint O’Rourke to take care of the gun problem in America. After O’Rourke endorsed Biden at a Dallas rally in March, Biden told O’Rourke, “You’re going to take care of the gun problem with me. You’re going to be the one who leads this effort. I’m counting on you. I’m counting on you. We need you badly. This state needs you. The country needs you. You’re the best.”

Responses flooded in from men and women excited at the thought of hot O’Rourke showing up at their house taking away their guns. “Honestly, having Beto O’Rourke and Cory Booker show up at my house to talk about gun safety and affordable housing is a Tiger Beat dream come true,” one tweet read. (Because both politicians are hot.)

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“If you buy a gun Beto will show up shirtless to your house and confiscate it,” another read. (Were you not envisioning O’Rourke shirtless? Now you are! Hot, hot, hot!)

Tiwan Carr, a woman from Texas, tweeted a gif of a woman in some sexy, strap thing, adding, “All of us walking to the front door when Beto shows up to take our AR-15s.”

“When I saw the headline, that was just kind of the first thing that popped into my head,” she tells the Observer over the phone. “Like, that’s supposed to be threatening? I don’t care who it is or what side of the political world you’re on, women, we want him to come to our house for any reason.”

Yes, in a world divided over politics, there is one thing we can all agree on: Beto O’Rourke is hot. And to prove it, here is one tweet we found confirming it: “i don’t care if you’re a republican beto is hot and that should’ve been enough of an incentive to vote for him have you fucking seen ted cruz.” See!

“As far as politicians go, it’s a separate scale,” Carr says. “For politicians, he may as well be anybody Lisa Bonet has ever married. He’s really good looking for a politician. I think if we saw him at HEB or Kroger, nobody would necessarily care.”

(True, but a hot man is a hot man and Beto O’Rourke is a hot man.)

This isn’t the first time the internet has been horny for O’Rourke. In 2018, Leah McElrath tweeted, “Ojeda and Avenatti as candidates are like the guy who thinks good sex is pumping away while you’re making a grocery list in your head wondering when he’ll be done. O’Rourke is like the guy who is all sweet and nerdy but holds you down and makes you cum until your calves cramp.” The tweet blew up and the media covered it wildly, including us, though McElrath told us not to look too much into the tweet, considering she’s a lesbian.

We reached out to McElrath to see what she thought about the internet being horny for Beto (again).

“Threatening to send Corey Booker to the suburbs and Beto O’Rourke door-to-door isn’t having the effect the right wing hoped,” she told us in a Twitter DM. “Maybe if they threatened us with reproductive freedom and taco trucks on every corner, we’d start getting scared.”

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