As we ponder the next 365 spins of the blue bulb, why not talk a little bit about what is going to happen during the first year of Trump 2.0?
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Christmas is over and it’s time to look forward to the new year — 2025, for all of you keeping count.
And so, as we ponder the next 365 spins of the blue bulb, why not talk a little bit about what is going to happen during the first year of Trump 2.0?
Some of this is fairly predictable, such as U.S. Sen. Mitch McConnell’s upcoming decision not to seek another term. It seems like he’s been in the Senate since T-Rex ruled.
What? No, not THAT T-Rex. He’s not THAT old. I’m talking about the glam rock band from the 1970s that did the song Bang a Gong (Get it on).
So, with that, let’s get it on.
January: DEI ban at all Kentucky schools
The Kentucky legislature begins, and in its first week the House and Senate vote to prohibit DEI initiatives at all Kentucky colleges — and amends the bill at the last minute to ban such initiatives in elementary and high schools. Republicans proudly announce, “We’re not racists. We just don’t want to do anything our constituents think is meant to help Black people.”
In a stunning move, Louisville Metro Council elects Anthony Piagentini as its new president. In his first act as president, Piagentini introduces an ordinance allowing council members to accept gifts valued up to $240,000 and changing the city’s motto from “Industry and punctuality by persevering” and “Progress,” both of which we quit using decades ago, to “Open for Business.”
Congress meets to count the Electoral College votes. No one attacks the U.S. Capitol. Two weeks later, Donald Trump is sworn in as the 47th president of the United States. Scott Jennings, Trump’s new spokesman, announces the crowd is “the largest audience to ever see an inauguration.”
February: White History Month
School districts across Kentucky say this will be the last time they celebrate Martin Luther King Day or Black History Month out of fear of violating new state law banning any sort of diversity programs. Kentucky Republicans decided that’s not enough and demand they begin teaching “White History Month” from August to May each year.
Trump speaks to a joint session of Congress and announces the United States will annex Canada, Greenland and Panama but NOT Puerto Rico. Trump fires his new Secretary of State, Marco Rubio, after Rubio tells him that Puerto Rico is already a U.S. territory.
Kentucky Republicans, after weeks of back and forth, decide after making life harder for African Americans by passing its anti-DEI legislation, they’ll now turn their attention to making life harder for Hawaiian Islanders. State Rep. Jennifer Decker, who is sponsoring the legislation and who last year said her father was a slave, claims her father was Don Ho.
March: Comer launches new investigation
New York Times, Washington Post and Pro Publica all report they have established that Supreme Court justices Samuel Alito and Clarence Thomas accepted more free travel and expensive gifts than previously reported. U.S. Rep. James Comer, of Kentucky, chairman of the powerful House Government Oversight Committee, is so concerned, he announces he’s opening another investigation into Hunter Biden’s laptop.
NCAA Women’s Swimming Championships are held in Seattle. U.S. Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky, Kentucky Senate Floor Leader Max Wise and former University of Kentucky swimmer Riley Gaines demand they be allowed to check the genitals of each and every swimmer to make sure none of them are, ahem, packing heat.
April: Kentucky basketball championship
Kentucky wins its ninth national championship in basketball. After a sell-out crowd welcomes the team back to Rupp Arena, Coach Mark Pope stays for four consecutive days signing autographs — pausing only long enough for an occasional pee break and to eat a Rupp Arena ice cream cone.
The Kentucky Derby Festival holds Thunder over Louisville on the first night of Passover once again, prompting some in the Louisville Jewish community to ask, “What are we, chopped liver?” It’s the second time the Derby Festival has screwed this up. In 2005, the festival apologized for the mistake.
May: The Kentucky Derby winner is …
Bob Baffert wins the Kentucky Derby in his return to Churchill Downs with Citizen Bull. Decker claims her father was a racehorse.
Citing his age and health, McConnell announces he will not run for an eighth term in the U.S. Senate, prompting U.S. Reps. Thomas Massie and Andy Barr and former Attorney General Daniel Cameron to instruct their families and staffs to begin calling them “Mr. Senator.”
Former Kentucky Senate Floor Leader Damon Thayer announces he’s thinking about running for the U.S. Senate.
June: MAGA Flag Day
Trump signs order banning the flying of U.S. flags on July 14, which is Flag Day, instead requiring only MAGA flags be flown that day. In an unrelated development, the My Pillow guy announces he is selling MAGA flags for the bargain basement price of four easy payments of $14.88.
People around the country celebrate Juneteenth in recognition of the day African slaves in Texas were told they had been freed. In Kentucky, the state’s Legislative Research Commission makes it a point in its daily newsletter to tell employees it’s National Martini Day.
July: Andy Beshear announces run for McConnell’s Senate seat
After having time to think about a session in which the Kentucky legislature voted to override all 273 of his vetoes, Gov. Andy Beshear announces he really doesn’t want to be governor, after all, and will run for Mitch McConnell’s U.S. Senate seat. In an unrelated move, London, Ky., Mayor Randall Weddle orders a new credit card.
Massie announces he will give up his House seat in 2026 to run for the U.S. Senate, prompting whoever the U.S. House speaker is at that point, to throw a huge going away party for Massie, who is not invited.
Thayer announces he really is thinking about running for the U.S. Senate.
August: Trump and McConnell back Daniel Cameron for Senate seat
Daniel Cameron becomes the second Republican to formally jump into the race for the U.S. Senate, with the backing of both McConnell and Trump. His campaign slogan: “Not that kind of Black guy.” Decker claims her father used to be Black.
Every Democrat in Kentucky chooses not to attend the political speaking event at the Fancy Farm Picnic — making St. Jerome’s Catholic Church Picnic look a heck of a lot like the Kentucky General Assembly.
Thayer announces he really is thinking about running for the U.S. Senate. “Why aren’t you people listening to me?”
September: McConnell retires immediately
McConnell announces he has had enough of Trump and is retiring from the U.S. Senate immediately. Beshear appoints himself to replace McConnell, ignoring the state law that says he must fill the seat with a Republican from a list of potential candidates provided to him — prompting a lawsuit by Republicans who complain, “He can’t do what we’d do if we were him.”
Barr announces he will run for McConnell’s seat, setting up a three-way primary between him, Cameron and Massie. Worried that Cameron and Barr will split the establishment vote and lose to Massie, GOP officials schedule a duel between Cameron and Barr, to be sponsored by the National Rifle Association. Democrats offer thoughts and prayers.
Thayer announces he really is thinking about running for the U.S. Senate. “Don’t you people know who I am?”
October: Mass deportations, soaring produce prices
Six months after Donald Trump begins mass deportations of undocumented migrants, produce prices soar. The cost of spinach and broccoli triples and Brussels sprouts at Kroger reach $12 per pound. America’s 6-year-olds vote Trump the best president ever. Their parents disagree.
Trump announces a renewed emphasis on Columbus Day, which had fallen into disfavor among those in the “woke minority” because Christopher Columbus’ “discovery” of the Americas brought death, slavery and other horrible consequences to native Americans. To honor Columbus, Health and Human Services Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. announces he’s banning the use of measles and smallpox vaccines.
November: Louisville businesses flee downtown
Every business with a presence in downtown Louisville announces it is leaving for a) the suburbs, b) Indianapolis, c) Nashville or d) Gravel Switch. Mayor Craig Greenberg holds a press conference to announce this is great news for the city.
Cameron and Barr take part in a duel to determine who will face Massie in the 2026 Republican primary for U.S. Senator, but when they get to “nine,” while stepping off 10 paces, they both drop their guns and run. They later hold a joint press conference to announce their plan to end school shootings with a slogan, “Just Run.”
Thayer announces he will not run for the U.S. Senate, prompting people across Kentucky to ask, “Were you thinking about it?”
December: The Kentucky NRA General Assembly
Kentucky House Republicans hold a press conference outside Wayside Christian Mission to announce their bill to end homelessness hasn’t worked as well as they had hoped because the numbers haven’t been reduced significantly. Majority Whip Jason Nemes says he will introduce legislation in the upcoming session to make “unlawful camping” punishable by death.
The National Rifle Association announces it has purchased naming rights for the Kentucky legislature. The Kentucky National Rifle Association General Assembly will convene in January 2026 and under terms of the sponsorship agreement, is contractually required to do whatever the NRA wants … meaning things really aren’t changing.
Happy New Year.
Joseph Gerth can be reached at 502-582-4702 or by email at jgerth@courierjournal.com. You can also follow him at jgerth@bsky.social.